Dear T

Dear T,

I really wish you would stop fighting. You are safe here with us, you are loved here with us, and her isn’t any need to keep your guard up. It’s okay to let the walls come down. I know though, why you won’t. Safe is scary, and love is completely foreign. You scarf your food, afraid there won’t be enough. You whiz out of control, because you are afraid that if you slow down life will catch up with you. You fight R and I, because you are afraid to let us love you. You afraid to love us back.

I get the fear, I really do. I’ve felt that same fear before. I know that nothing I say will make a difference, you’ll just have to wait and see that we aren’t leaving you. But I wish I could reach into your damaged brain and remove all the fear. I’m not perfect, but for now, I am your mom. I’m going to do my very best to mother you in a Christ-like way. But I can’t take away the fear. You have to let it go on your own.

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