Dear H

Dear H,

I am so torn right now between anger at you and grief for you. I know it isn’t your fault that you have the issues you do. They were forced upon you by selfish parents who didn’t take care of you the way the should have. But at a certain point, our parents’ sins become ours to reconcile, and my darling, you have to reconcile them.

I know you hate the outpatient treatment, and that’s okay. But it is so not okay to lash out on everyone and everything around you. I understand that you are angry and that your anger is hard to control, but I don’t know what to do for you when you refuse to even try.

Nothing we have given you or done for you has worked, sweet one, and because of your refusal to try and get yourself through with us, you are going to have to try and get through on your own. I hate that. I hate so much that we cannot be what you need. I wanted so much to give you something more, and it cuts me so deeply when you lash out at me and refuse to even consider what I am trying to give you.

I’m only human, sweetheart, and I can’t do for you what you have to do for yourself. It isn’t fair that you are in this position, and it isn’t your fault, but at this point it IS your responsibility. When you curse at me, freeze me out, and refuse to do what I ask within five minutes of getting home, I don’t know how else to help you. I don’t know what to do at all at this point except to let you go and pray that you can find your way.

I’m so sorry that I don’t have what you need. I love you.


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