Saying No

Besides the times when we have to make the decision for a kiddo to leave our home, there is one big part of fostering that I hate.

I hate saying no.

So many of these kids are good kids. They have good hearts, they try hard, and they are over-comers. But the fact of the matter is that sometimes, much more often than I’d like, we have to say no to accepting a kid for placement.

Sometimes we say no because the kid has very high needs and we don’t think that we can meet all of their needs without our other kids suffering for it. Sometimes there are safety risks, and we can’t put our kids or animals at risk. Sometimes there is a strong gut feeling that we just aren’t in the right place for this particular kid.

I had to say no to taking a kid today, and I feel so guilty for it. From all accounts he seems like and awesome kid, and I know that his worker is trying really hard to place him and having a lot of trouble. This is one of those kids that end up sleeping under a desk at the office, and that breaks my heart. But there are also safety concerns, and while we are told that it “shouldn’t be a problem”, R and I really really REALLY don’t want to risk the safety and well being of A2 and S.

But still, I’m sitting here crying about it and feeling wretched. This is a kid that needs someone, and by all accounts is feeling very lost. Because of his specific situation, he’s at a very high risk of homelessness and falling into sex trafficking when he inevitably ages out. If we don’t take him and guide him, who will? Am I selfish and cowardly for not even trying?

I hate to say no when I want to say yes. I hate having the weight of these kids’ futures on my conscience.




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