A2 and T: Dumb Idiots

Teenagers are so, so stupid. I love these stupid kids…but damn.

Less than 10 hours after T arrived for his birthday party (my baby is 14!!!) he and A2 got caught smoking. Because they brought it in the house. Because they are dumb idiots. A2 breaks my heart, because right now she is trying SO HARD to drive us away. That’s not conjecture either, she said straight out that she is trying to drive us away. She’s currently pissed at her lack of success.

I’m so glad that she has the opportunity to be pissed about it. We were talking to her about the dumb idiot incident and she said “You should just stop worrying about me already, I’m going to hurt you.”

I said “Yeah, you are. All of our kids do. We do this on purpose, and that’s because every kid deserves someone that hurts when they hurt, and still doesn’t leave.”

She did not like that answer.

challengeaccepted

T, on the other hand, we’re finally getting through to. After we talked with A2, I went up to talk to T. I asked him if he knew we loved him, because I wanted to make sure that he knows we love him even though he does dumb things. He thought I was crazy for asking.

He said “I know you love me! You put all this work into keeping track of me, and getting ahold of my worker for visits, and making this birthday party for me every year. Jeez, you guys drove four hours in the snow and ice to come visit me when I was in that residential hospital. I know you love me.”

T breaks my heart in an entirely different way, but what I told A2 holds true. Every kid deserves someone who’s heart will break for them.

They are still really stupid though. I love them so much.

selfdestruct

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Ouch.

Three days. Definitely the quickest turnaround from getting a kid to major freak out. Poor SP had to be hospitalized, and for the first time in our four years of fostering, we won’t be able to take a kiddo back from the hospital.

She got violent with me and tried to get violent with little four-year-old S. She hurt one of our animals (who is okay now). We can’t take her back and keep everyone safe.

The one thing that keeps going through my mind is that she’s only eight. Eight year olds aren’t meant to be spending half their time in psychiatric hospitals, they are supposed to be playing with dolls and going to birthday parties. What did her parents do to her to get her this way? How much shit does a little girl have to go through to make her like this?

Monsters are real, and they are the parents of my children.

I’m grieving hard today. I so hoped that we’d be able to give more to this little girl. I wanted to be able to keep her safe and give her what is left of her childhood without any more trauma, and I can’t do that. It breaks my heart. I think every time we have to let a kiddo go, they take a little piece of me with them.

An SP Update

So, SP has been with us for a couple days now, and things are a tad bit bumpy. We have agreed to a 30 day trial placement to see if we can hang on to SP long term, so we’ll see how it goes as her behaviors (inevitably) ramp up.

Right now, she and little S have been fighting like cats and dogs. I’m pretty sure that since they are close to the same developmental age that they are just feeling each other out and trying to figure out if there is enough care and safety to go around. Still drives me crazy to break fights up every three minutes though!

Other than that, things aren’t too bad. SP is a bit delayed, and needs repetition and structure as she forgets things easily and has a hard time grasping abstract concepts. I’m not sure how much of that is her autism and how much is trauma delay, so it’ll be interesting to see how things progress.

She is a sweet kiddo though, and the couple of times she has gotten ramped up we were able to de-escalate her and calm her down fairly easily, which was good. Hearing all the horror stories about extreme tantrums from SP’s grandma (who was NOT a good person for her), I’m wondering whether it will be a huge blowup situation or a now-that-she’s-safe-she-is-calmer situation. We’ll see!

Dear SP

Dear SP,

No, you are not bad. It is not your fault that your grandmother couldn’t take good care of you. You did not come to me because you were bad.

It is royally not okay that your grandmother told you that.

You are precious, sweet girl. You throw fits (and toys), you scream, and you mouth off, but you are still precious.

No kid should ever have to earn their families love, or get that love only when they have been “good enough”.

You are worth loving just as you are.

 

Here we go again!

R has been gone this weekend, and will be gone until tomorrow. Not a huge deal, but clearly missing him has driven me truly out of my mind.

Our superamazingfantastic home worker, Amazing Worker, called today in a panic, which isn’t really her style. She told me that she’s calling everyone on her case list because a little girl name SP was just abandoned by her grandma at their main office. That’s right, folks! An 8 year old girl was dropped off unannounced by her grandmother, who informed staff that she was “just done” and would not be returning to pick said child up. This is not how an ideal kinship placement plays out. Naturally, all the workers were in a panic attempting to find somewhere for SP to at least stay the night.

WHAT EVEN!?!

Naturally, being the clinically insane person that I am, I told Amazing Worker that as long as she wasn’t a safety risk, that we could keep SP until Wednesday to give them some time to figure out what in the world was going on. Amazing Worker declares my sainthood and tells me that the caseworker for SP would be calling me to let me know about any special needs that I needed to be aware of.

When I got on the phone with SP’s worker, Worker C, things got really interesting. Turns out that SP is pretty low needs over all, she has ADHD and is very high functioning autistic. No violence, no firesetting, no screaming at gang members at 10 at night (looking at you, H!), so no big deal.

Oh, but also, they are not putting SP back with her grandmother and are looking for an adoptive placement.

I told the worker that we would hang on to SP until Wednesday evening, and that if we thought we might be able to do longer term that we’d let her know. I then proceeded to spend the rest of the evening listening to an eight year old child tell me that her grandmother left her with me because she was bad, and that she promised to be good if she could stay with me for a little while.

Then SP wrote me a letter to say thank you for setting up a room for her and telling her that our house is safe, and drew a picture of the two of us holding hands. She presented it to me right before bedtime after I read her a story.

My heart hurts and my head is spinning. We were considering adopting again, and now here is a kid who looks like she could be an awesome match literally dropped on our doorstep. But after everything with T, B, and H, I’m scared out of my mind.

This is either a God thing or we are in for a world of hurt. Or both, you never know. But either way, it looks like we are going to have some fun!

ML: The Worst Lobbyist Ever

Oh ML, will a single week ever go by without you providing blog material?

Probably not.

Last night, ML was talking about how pedophilia should be legal. Yes really. Her argument was that “If a kid and an adult really really love each other, no one should stop them”. The whole concept that her rape at age 3 might have something to do with that opinion goes over her head, as does the definition of statutory rape. Since it’s ML, you aren’t exactly going to argue any sense into her, so I said what I normally say when she goes on this tangent (it happens a lot, unfortunately).

Me: Well hon, the legal system and literally every society on the planet says it’s not okay, so I think you are fighting a losing battle there.

ML: But I want the legal system and society to change its mind!

Me: *insert facepalm* Well you can work on that then.

ML: You know, when you see me famous on the news someday you are going to remember this day!

Me: ……

no

Both ML’s new foster mama and I were horrified… and working very hard to keep from busting up laughing. Of course, the message she had just communicated went completely over her head. I just rolled my eyes and said “I hope not.”

Dear A2

My dear A2,

Please stop self destructing. I know that you are having a really, really hard time since your friend died, but I want more than anything for you to be safe. I wish so much that I could communicate to you how much we love you and want you. When we caught you with pills and razors, I know you felt like we were going to send you away because that has been your experience in the past, but we won’t. We love you. We want you. You are ours.

When you broke into tears because you thought you were leaving and then said “it’s okay, it’s not your problem”, you broke my heart. It IS our problem! If you are not happy and safe then something is wrong. You are worthwhile to us, even if you don’t feel like you should be.

Of course, you are still grounded and having room checks for the next month. We love you enough to let you know that harming yourself doesn’t just effect you, it effects those around you. We are not going to sit blindly by while you kill yourself, we are going to fight you every step of the way.